When I am at work during the day, I have my schedule perfectly curated so I see one client after another, allowing me very little time to sit or think. I like my days to be busy and full.
At night though, when I get home and could be working out, folding laundry or cleaning, I am lying wide awake in bed for hours swamped with thoughts. Ohhhh the thoughts.
When I was on the Bell Mountain trail this past weekend I realized a few things. One of those things being…
I need to work on being positive. I was doing pretty great keeping my spirits high that day when it got long (you know that grind…) and I know I could have kept going if I had to. However, when it comes to this Mt. Whitney planning & attempt, what frequents my mind at 1 am on a weeknight is sometimes unsettling.
“Why do I even think I’m going to be able to do this? It is gonna be the hardest thing I’ve ever done and it’s going to suck and I’m probably going to fail.”
“I’m dreading the cold, the wind, and getting up at 3 am to hike in the dark. Ugh.”
“I’m going to get altitude sickness and ruin the whole trip.”
“Oh, $#*% I am going to be paralyzed with fear…we are going to be up so high.”
I need to morph those feelings into something like…
“I cannot believe we won the lottery. Oh holy crap I’m actually hiking in the Sierra, attempting to summit Mt. Whitney! I get to spend 4 days out there!”
“This is gonna be the adventure of a lifetime!!”
“If I get sick, at least I came this far. There’s always a chance to come back and try again.”
“Look at my badass self, facing a fear! I’m gonna own this.”
What I am looking for is a way to morph and channel my anxious thoughts into something that will motivate me instead of dragging me down. I’m painfully self-aware that I’m being negative when I have time to reflect on the way I’m feeling. What do you do when you get down on yourself? Any specific practices or journaling techniques you like?
Maybe I’m making this a way bigger deal than it is. People do this hike, and more difficult ones all the time. But to me – it’s my greatest challenge yet. The top of my list.
Am I being realistic or pessimistic?
Either way, I have some things to work on, physically and mentally.
If you wanna catch up with our Mount Whitney Journals and preparations, you can click here and hit “Older Posts” to start at the beginning!