The end of a weekend finds us so quickly. I have so much to do before #LHX2018, as I leave next Friday already! It’s coming up fast. I want to enjoy the prep and planning. My clothing and gear are pretty well thought out and narrowed down. This weekend is food focused!
Sunday, Turkey and I set out together and I did another 13+ mile day at St. Francois to keep my conditioning up. I felt great the entire hike and didn’t wake in any pain the next day at all, save for a little overuse injury in my left foot. It’s not unbearable, but I know it’s there. It just feels a little tight. No swelling which is good. Hoping it heals quickly!We did the Pike Run trail for the first time. We will DEFINITELY be back to overnight. I thought I couldn’t love St. Francois anymore than I did, but that Northern loop really struck me.It’s no secret I have a rough time with anxiety. The last few weeks at work have been stressful, and life, in general, is a lot to handle sometimes. I’m trying to learn to take everything a day at a time and not work myself up over things I can’t control. (Aren’t we all?!)
I’ve been really missing my grandma lately. She is the one person I would call nearly every day, just to chat or share any particularly interesting (gossip) or exciting news with. I still go to call her and realize I can’t. Sometimes I worry I am going to forget what she sounds like.I miss that simple act. Having someone so special to call that genuinely cares about what is going on in my life, no matter how large or small. I mean, I know that I have other people in my life that do genuinely care, but she was my person. She was always so proud of me and never let me forget it. I know she would be over the moon for me now; the bittersweet thing is, everything I do or have done the last almost 3 years is because of her. I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am. I’m forever changed. Her passing has made me fearless, strong, self-aware, motivated, unwavering (although sometimes a little doubtful!)…I chose to begin living when she died, because if I didn’t – I would be in a very dark place. She will never know that I do these things in her honor, but I do.
And that’s why on Sunday, when I was by myself in a lush, beautiful hollow surrounded by mossy rocks and trees, swift-moving creeks bubbling excitedly, new spring life beginning to break ground all around me, I began to weep as I stood there. I felt small. I cried a little more while I walked. I have never been so overwhelmed with such unexpected emotions.
I blame this song for triggering my catharsis! I have heard this song hundreds of times, but never have I truly listened. It was a message I needed to hear and I am grateful and astounded that it happened when it did. Her passing has a silver lining. It took me 2 years, 10 months, 2 weeks and a day to figure that out.
I have big things planned, Gram. Soon I will stand a little closer to you – at 14,505ft tall.
Category: Trail Tuesday, UncategorizedTags: adventure, anxiety, backpacking, epic social adventures, happy, health, hike missouri, hiking, life, love, mental health, nature, opt outside, outdoors, travel, weekend, weekend warriors